According to the hotly contested Mayan prophecies, tomorrow is world's end.

Dear, sweet Orange has spent a considerable amount of time worrying about this day. Correction: he has worried about this day with the vigor and magnitude only a ginger could muster. We have had countless conversations about the pothole (or "sinkhole" as he would call it) at the base of our driveway, and whether or not I'm at all concerned that it will one day (i.e. December 21st) devour our cars. Or if I, like him, think that if tomorrow brings a strong storm could it wash half the side yard into our ravine? Or do I think the maple in our yard looks diseased and maybe should we proactively cut it down so to avoid any scenario in which branches penetrate our roof?

He bought a generator. No sh*t. A generator.

For the record, I don't share Orange's concerns about December 21st, and while I don't necessarily validate them, I do listen because... well... I have what could be coined "silly" concerns too, and it's nice to know you're not alone in your paranoia. So in honor of Orange's worry, let's celebrate the clip clop of the four horseman with a blog post on irrational things to worry about**:

1. Do I have a wonky eye? Fingers was married recently, and I noticed in some of the photos from the big day that my eye appears wonky. As in, I resemble a beluga whale with my eyeball going left when it should be front and center. This is the first thing I look for in pictures of myself... Where my eyeball at? I fear my beluga eye come the big WD (wedding day).

2. Do I have a potato chip addiction? If there is a bag in the house, I eat them. Like, all of 'em. So I just don't buy them. But if we have a party, or if we rent a movie, or if for any reason I want to celebrate something (birth, death, Remembrance Day, the season finale of Dexter, a random Tuesday...) I buy chips. I don't get chip sweats so this is a plus, I suppose as I guess I could deduce I've never gone into any form of withdrawal (like during Lent, for example, when I'm off 'em cold turkey.) But legitimately if I have a chip, I have to have them all.

3. Where would I hide if someone broke into my house? This occupies a lot of time when I can't sleep. Obvi I can't go under the bed because that's the first place they'd look. The closet, a logical second, also a no-go. The way I figure it all depends on how much time I have, and thus at what stage of the break-in I'm alerted to the intrusion. If I had my druthers I'd glide down the stairs to the basement and shimmy out the spare room window (no screen.) Otherwise I think I'd play dead.

4. When I'm running, and I'm on a busy street for example, and I run past a group of people waiting for a bus or something, are my hinders jiggling about back there? And concern #2 does nothing to help. I know, totally vein. But there you have it.  I have no problem blowing snot rockets, slouching about, and hiking up my spandex when I'm on a trail but on a city street I always adjust my stance and stride worrying that people are laughing as I run by. This also adds to another concern, which we'll call 4 (b) are my spandex pants too thin and can you see my butters through them?

5. If the house was burning down, what would I grab? That cat. I don't really have to think about this one, but I worry about the stuff I'd be leaving behind and is there anyway I could go back and get it. Like my baby blanket, and the pictures of my dad when he was little, and my 2nd edition of Anne of Green Gables... And Orange, of course.

6. Speaking of the cat, does he poo enough? And that's all I'm going to say about that...

7. Did I turn off my hair straightener? I relived this worry daily when I was living in the apartment. Even though I'd purposefully check to ensure I'd turned it off (and unplugged it) I still worried I'd somehow left it on. I'd get half way to work and think "was today the one morning I forgot?" It never got so bad that I'd double back, but throughout the day I'd wonder about it. And as a result I no longer straighten my bangs in the morning.

And last but not least:

8. If I have a really vivid dream, and I can recall many details of the dream including calling people and/or sending them emails , was it really a dream or did I in fact call that person at 3:00 in the morning to tell them I disagree with their decision to stop talking to me (part of the dream) or don't understand why their hair is now grass (also part of the dream...)

Your turn. Anyone care to confess an irrational worry?

**I realize all of these worries revolve around me. Trust, I have many other worries that revolve around other people, too. And yes, there are things the world over to be legitimately concerned about (like poverty, environmental degradation, and war, for example...) By no means is this post meant to diminish the validity of those concerns. I also realize that, as Grandma LL would say, "I've had many problems in my life most of which have never happened." This is meant to be funny... So don't get all emotional and/or "no-you-don't-look-like-a-Beluga-whale" on me here...